my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
Randomize
