On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
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New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
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