Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
I know I'm not a hook-up kind of chick but he is a firefighter & an EMS worker. I felt like maybe I'd be a good person if I let a good person inside of me
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
Randomize
