I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
Are u guys proud? I puked my brains out last night at a strip club. While my two fave strippèrs held my hair
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
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