Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
I mean i can't really be mad...either way i was gonna fuck him or hate fuck him, so it's basically a win/win situation.
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
Randomize
