***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
Randomize
