she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
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