I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
You would critique a dick pic. Damn art people.
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
Randomize