apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
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