Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
I agree and I would be an awesome dog
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
Randomize
