And, I saw Emily's panties. How? She doesn't sit like a lady.
I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
I just hope when I turn 21, it doesn't tank my entire semester.
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
Randomize
