having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
I just came so hard I growled. Definitely found my gspot.
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
Randomize
