I would say the hottest chick there looked like Susan Boyle and the ugliest like Bea Arthur
Nice use of current day folklore
sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
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