fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
I think you missed the wrong class. Im pretty sure we were taught how to buy cocaine.
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
Randomize
