I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
But yeah, that is officially the new "I just came" picture
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
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