never play flip cup with pint glasses
there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
HE had a tribal tattoo tramp stamp, jasmine.
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Randomize
