I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
idk, i just don't think periods are something you can catch in a little cup.
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
Someday. I cant very well invite myself to his dorm room. And I'm 28. The excuses to be drunk and running into him at uconn are rather slim. Although I'm working on it.
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
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