I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
I'm pretty sure I have enough material at this point to start a blog called Guys I've Banged in Pictures together. Why does this keep happening to me!
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
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