He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
I'm playing a drinking game with nyc prep. This will not end well for meeee
Everytime the gay dude pretends he's not gay, drink a cosmo. Everytime the crosseyed girl is crosseyed, kill her
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
Randomize
