I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
wasn't that the evening we made out with the girls from the dental school, drank 3000 beers, almost had to beat up a guy at the strip club and James nailed some hot piece of tail and took her OSU windbreaker, which my dad went on to wear multiple times after finding it in the garage.
Yes. To all of that. Yes.
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
Randomize
