would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
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