i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
May 25th. Drunk Laser Tag party to celebrate our bdays. May 26th. Mushrooms at Chattanooga Aquarium. Damn
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
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