I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
Randomize
