I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
i wonder what barack obama's brickbreaker high score is...
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
Randomize
