He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
apparently the secret to your success is patron
I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
These 33 Eskimo Brothers Boinked The Same Person And Couldn’t Be More Proud
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
17 Inappropriate Things People Did With Instruments
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"