Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
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I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
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She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
He just showed up. He's like 5'8 and brought a beer pong table that has " I love gay boys" on it. How could this go wrong
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been