drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
I had to remind him that there is no "age exchange rate" between the u.s. and spain, and that 16 will always equal 16
i'm in the guys across the halls apartment. i think 7 MIP guy wants me. he just got a medical marijuana card. might be worth it.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
get to allyx's house asap
Ok is everything ok
Yeah, theres just lesbians
omg yes on my way
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea