I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
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I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
how the fuck is Katelyn 5'1" and 85 lbs and she tackled a bouncer to the ground?
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It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
C'mon pople!!! THursday afternoon isnot gonna drinkin itself!!!
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.