No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
This is why i like single justin better. my only regret is not being present for more of his short life. may he rest in peace
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
Randomize
