You're never going to guess who I just worked out next to..
Who?
Chris brown
No way... I bet he was intense
Are you kidding? He was prob training for round two
Then you jumped off your bed with your arms outstretched, yelled "I'm Goliath, watch out New York!" and then began singing the Gargoyles theme song as you 'soared' around your room.
Don't be ridiculous, the Gargoyles theme song has no words. How could I sing that mess?
You just started going "da da da da da! da da da da da! DA DA!!" then going "swoosh" as you glided about.
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
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