Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
I'm in the mood to be taken advantage of ;-)
When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
Randomize
