Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
Randomize
