i permit you to call me
Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
we're in NC now and so far we've smoked a blunt in every state with the exception of Tennessee which we accidentally went to
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
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