Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
Just got my econometrics book in the mail and started flipping through it. Our Thursday parties may turn into u convincing me not to kill myself.
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
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