I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
He did 5 five hand stand push ups and took off his shirt for a barbarian flex. Some girl took off her shirt and threw it at him
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
Randomize
