He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
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