Mind blown. Apparently, it's PRErogative, not PERogative. I blame Bobby Brown.
fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
This past week everybody of fb either got rings or semen. All I got was Covid.
Randomize
