I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
Randomize
