i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
i have a serious question for you... Why I am i not wearing any pants?
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