you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
What's your opinion on eating ass? Just looking for a yes or no
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
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