I feel like I'm in dance class right now
i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
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