Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
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