small problem..I have a major exam in the morning so I might have to go to the library after the party
so no drinking for you?
don't be silly
the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
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