Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
Dignity is for republicans.
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
I don't know what to think. Also, I decided to take a bath...sorry in advance if I flood the bathroom.
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
Randomize
