i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
I was wondering where I've seen this kid then I remembered I saw him doing lines of blow of his gf's leg while she was sleeping last week.
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
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