I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
I was topless in his bathroom sink taking bong rips , goodmorning . He told me he could get use to this
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
Me my naked body. You bring the paints. I expect to be a panther by game time Sunday.
What do I get.
Panthers win you get to fuck the paint off me.
Teacher vividly described one of the times he did shrooms, sat down, sighed, and told everyone to go do drugs and let us out 15 minutes into class. I love community colleges
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
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