I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
Why are you seriouly talking to me about this when there naked pics of blake lively on the internet? Priorities man...
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
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