when im bored during the day i often think, what do people who dont get high do with their day.. i came to the conlcusion that everyone must be getting high
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
I just watched nsync videos for the past half hour and you could totally tell lance bass was gay in all of them
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
There's always time for handjobs
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
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