Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
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