found out what b.m.t stands for.
what did you think?
bread, meat, tomatoes, but then i realized that could be practically any sub.
omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
Randomize
