You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
Oh my God, that is a gorgeous man. And I wasn't even gay until five minutes ago.
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
Randomize
