Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
Also we saw a clown getting arrested. Rochester is weird.
The upside of Thirsty Thursdaying with the client last night was that he was so hungover that he didn't want to spend time wrangling over the contract extension this morning.
Boss just said I'm getting a bonus for this. Want to celebrate our anniversary a week early tonight?
This is why I married you.
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
Randomize
