Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
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