Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
Ssssssssssshhhhhhhhhhhiiiiiiii!iiiiiiiiiitttttttttttttttssssssssssssshhhhhhhhooooooooowwwwwww. Letters for emphaSSIIISISEEEE!
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
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