I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
Ever since he's come out, my facebook stalking experience has gotten uncomfortable
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
I believe in your delicious
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
Randomize
