i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
i kinda want to bang the mythbusters girl... i bet she's got a nice snapper
so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
if three guys were standing in front of you and they differed only in the hairiness of the groin who would you choose: smooth as a baby's bottom, the grass lands or the amazon jungle?
i think you're getting too neurotic about why she won't touch you.
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she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
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It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.