I think he may have called me a bar rat, jokingly. I said i was but in a non-trashy way.
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
Basically we had a threesome in one room and a fivesome in the next room. Its what I like to call a win win situation.
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
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