wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
Randomize
