I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
I miss him.. What the hell did I get myself in to? I guess it will get better with time.
No. Just liquor. Time's no good.
his logic is that since hes already cheated on her w me its doesnt count
People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
Randomize
