Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
Then, she put flavored warming oil on my dick and was amazed when something she bought FROM SPENCER'S almost burned my dick off.
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
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