My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
She kept saying "I'm going to hell" the entire time we were fucking. I really wasn't sure what to do... so I agreed with her.
That was definitely the right answer.
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
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