My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
Randomize
