I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
She compares her life to Teen Mom. She's 28.
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
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