Yeh xou jao i ama wa7tdud !!
Oh my god. its not even twelve thirty and you are useless.
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
Randomize
