i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
Do vagina's smell?
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
Randomize
