I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
someone owes me an orgasm
So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
only you would photoshop your dick
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
Did u see the proverb she left as a comment on my picture?
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
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