you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
Randomize
